Desparing

my hp beeped and woke me up in this morning. it was message from Franchesca, saying our result was out today. Suddenlly, i couldn't continue my sleep, i was nervous with that. i dared not to know my result, because, i've expected too much on it, and i definitely will disappoint with it.

my mind kept flashing back to the exam time, i wasn't did well in the exam. Maybe i have a very slow nerve sensation, i wasn't sad right after the exam, until now, i only realized it is impossible for me to score A in all the subjects.

i'm feeling bad now, sometimes i think, it would be better without any expectation or hope, isn't it? Unlike past time, i never concerned on my result, and i'd had never felt sad on my results. but why now..........

There's only a reason can explain it - my past results levelled me up.....it is normal for man to always move forward but not backward, and it is totally happen to me now. i have to admit i was very lucky in past 2 semesters, and the luckies are frustrating me now....

i've done some evaluation for the last semester. Overall, i didn't perform well, i always skipped classes, means my attentance and participation will be marked low. In contrast, i had a full attentance in sem before this, i was quite active in classes too. Eventhough i had paid great attention to lecturer in this sem, however, my attendance and participation will drag down my overall performance. Sigh............

My downline is at least get 2A out of 4 subjects and no C in my list. Haha....my expectation is too high, isn't it? this is why i afraid to see my result, at least, my hope is still exist.

better take some good sleep now, and pray that my anxious will vanish after i wake up in the next morning, i'd better pretend not know about the release of result, and maybe someday, the result will surprise me......hehe...